Screengrab via YouTube.

Fashion Horoscopes: The Signs as Opinionated Cartoon Girls

Are you Lisa Simpson, or Kim Possible?

by Courtney Perkins
Mar 14 2019, 5:03pm

Screengrab via YouTube.

Aries: Helga G. Pataki from Hey Arnold

“Move it, football head!”

Bossy. Angry. Doesn’t know how to handle her emotions, so they come out in spurts of passion. Helga is an Aries, complete with the tough-girl exterior, and the whirlwind of emotion interior. Aries suffer from short tempers and turbulent emotions, and at their worst, they can be domineering and butt heads with people - like Helga. As for the secret Arnold obsession? I’m betting on a Scorpio moon.

Taurus: D.W. Read from Arthur

D.W. was an early icon of sass and stubbornness. Like a true Taurus, she blends the bull’s bossiness with its Venusian cuteness to get what she wants. Taurus is the sign of the material world, and D.W. definitely likes money. She dreams of being adopted by a rich family. She wears a crown to school and brags that her allowance was raised to “a gazillion dollars.” She’s industrious. But most importantly, she knows exactly how to drag Arthur. A Taurus always has a defined opinion, and can hang on to a grudge. So when Arthur says he’s going to take her to the park and he does not do that? She is not going to let him forget that.

Gemini: Numbah Five from Codename: Kids Next Door

Intelligent. Cool as a cucumber. Trained to be stealthy. Numbah Five is second in command in the show Codename: Kids Next Door, where she prioritizes candy and going on operations. Gemini is ruled by Mercury, the planet of intellect and communication, so it makes sense that Numbah Five is known for her smarts and savvy! Geminis are curious creatures who always want to know what’s going on in everyone’s business. They like being in the know, and can be prone to gossip, thriving on secrets. Numbah Five is only part of one sector of the Kids Next Door - it’s an international web of children fighting “adult tyranny.” Simply put, a Gemini loves a scheme.

Cancer: Katara from Avatar: The Last Airbender

Kind. Soft-spoken, but fierce. Uses the healing power of water. Loves her family above all. Katara has the signature protective streak of a Cancer, with great instincts about which travelers can’t be trusted and which children need to be taken under her wing (see: Aang and Toff). Cancer possesses an extremely nurturing, loving energy that Katara really taps into. She is patient in teaching Aang waterbending, and very in touch with her senses. But, she’s also a great force to be reckoned with! As the cardinal water sign, Cancer can be brave, defensive, and tenacious - especially when it comes to protecting their loved ones. Honestly, the whole Water Tribe is so Cancerian.

Leo: Kim Possible

A fighter with great hair. She’s optimistic with a cheery attitude, a loyal team, and a dramatic arch nemesis. Kim’s a Leo! She holds herself to high standards, easily excels at everything she does, and gets frustrated when things don’t come naturally to her. She can be very competitive in that way, and Leo wants to be the best of the best! She’s a true heroine and protector of her community - very Leo!

Virgo: Velma from Scooby Doo

Listen, Virgo, you already know you’re the smart aleck of the zodiac. Of the Mystery Gang, Velma is the brainy, practical one, great with solving clues and picking up on minor details in antagonists’ stories and outfits that out them as villains. Virgos is a Mercury-ruled earth sign known for its sharp eye, analytical skills, and attention to detail. Their sensible logic and ability to focus give them a pronounced mental acumen. Velma calls on a wide knowledge base including Viking trivia, jewel identification, and martial arts to help get to the bottom of things!

Libra: Penny Proud from the Proud Family

"I'm Penny Proud. I'm cute, I'm loud and I'm Proud!"

Penny just wants to hang out with her friends, meet boys, and go to the mall - if her father would let her. Sounds like a pretty ideal Libran day to me. Libras are oriented towards love and beauty. They’re typically fashionable and put a lot of emphasis on their love lives. Social creatures, they enjoy being where the people are! Yet, they value peace, as does Penny. Penny works hard to balance her friends and her family, but she’s often pulled in too many directions! She *tries* to stay in line and not upset her father; it’s just impossible!

Scorpio: Debbie from The Wild Thornberrys

Angsty teen. Loves grunge-rock. Can teach you a thing or two about how to be cool. Debbie Thornberry just wants to be with the other punk teens, but her parents’ travel-the-world tour prevents her from ever setting roots down, having access to the CDs she wants, or forming lasting relationships - things that matter deeply to a Scorpio! Scorpio is a fixed sign that values longevity in friendships, finds fulfillment through love, and can be quite stubborn about getting what they want. Debbie can’t really get any of what she wants given the get-up-and-go nature of her life, so, she’s emo about it. Still, that doesn’t stop her from being the badass, independent, brooding Scorpio she was born to be. She has a lot of great, surprisingly feminist moments for a kids show, and her maturity comes through in the softer moments with her younger siblings.

Sagittarius: Sandy Cheeks from Spongebob Squarepants

One of the most obvious, often-repeated traits about Sagittarius is their love of travel. Sandy Cheeks is a squirrel that lives at the bottom of the ocean. She could not have traveled further! Can you say adventurous? But going deeper: Sagittarius enjoys philosophy and the pursuit of knowledge. Sandy is a scientist and inventor, with a logical mind, but a sunny disposition! She’s also very into the thrill of the chase, extreme sports, and sometimes has rage problems, which match up with Sagittarius’ need for excitement, change, and interaction with the outdoors.

Capricorn: Daria Morgendorffer from Daria

Wise, sardonic, and cynical as fuck. Daria is a Capricorn. She holds a general disdain for her immature high school peers, like her mostly vapid sister Quinn, and possesses a dark sense of humor. Her shrewd, incisive commentary often indicates the way she looks down on her fellow students for their childishness. They usually act like adults at a young age, and that can make them know-it-alls. Because they see the world with a realistic, pragmatic view, they can turn to the kind of pessimism Daria displays. Still, Capricorn’s judgment is hilarious.

Aquarius: Lisa Simpson from The Simpsons

Lisa embodies the spirit of an Aquarius. She’s extremely intelligent, struggles with her father’s idiocy, and is generally regarded as a bit of a nerd. Aquarians are known for their high rationale and mental approach to the world! They’re also the humanitarians of the zodiac - an attitude Lisa definitely shares. She’s a vegetarian, a feminist, pro-PETA, with dreams of world peace and a great interest in social movements. She can be a little self-righteous in her ideals, but hey, so can Aquarians. Yet, in spite of all of her nerdiness, Lisa is a rebel! She’s outspoken about her causes, can go head-to-head with the adults, and knows how to make a fool of an uninformed jerk. Lisa is clearly an Aquarius - the iconoclast, the scientist, and the revolutionary of the zodiac!

Pisces: Bubbles from Powerpuff Girls

Bubbles has so much in common with the sign Pisces. She’s a sensitive cutie that hates mean people, fighting, and bullies. She wears her emotions on the outside and isn’t afraid of crying in front of you. She loves coloring - an early testament to Pisces’ natural artistry. And yet, Bubbles is hardcore! There’s a whole episode devoted to it! She’s the only Powerpuff Girl to fight Mojo Jojo on her own! Pisces’ soft, kind nature often shields their true strength and resilience. As the final sign in the astrological calendar, they hold a piece of wisdom from each preceding sign, giving them a natural understanding of the way other people operate. Pisces and Bubbles agree that we all need to be nicer to each other.

Fun fact: Her best friend is a stuffed animal octopus. A fish loving an octopus! Little sea creatures! Precious!

kim possible
Lisa Simpson
helga pataki