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A Playlist for Rushing Area 51

It's definitely a bad idea, but we want to support your alien needs!

by Owen Thiele
|
Jul 29 2019, 6:36pm

Sophie Levy

Because nothing is shocking anymore in the year 2019, there are currently plans for over a million people to storm Area 51 — the uber-classified military facility in Nevada — to liberate “dem aliens” (I wish I was kidding). While these people were probably the same million to indulge in the Tidepod challenge or even the Kylie lip challenge, I can’t deny there’s something captivating about this one.

OK, real talk, this is a terrible idea and I think you’re all going to die. And if you really think you’re “too many” for “the military” to “do something,” then I’ve got some news for you about the history of the entire Western world? That being said, I like to be a part of the conversation so here’s a playlist for September 20th, when you’re all on your way to raid Area 51. I advise you bring your AirPods, so as not to scare the aliens with loud music. Also, you’ll want to be hands-free while scaling walls and jumping over barbed-wire fences.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m cool and down for any type of governmental rebellion but I wish this wasn’t the rebellious thing we decided to do. Why not steal the Declaration of Independence Nic Cage-style? Or what about a good old-fashioned prank where we TP the White House or just, like, TP Donald Trump? At least that’s not as ethically ambiguous.

Anyway, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity, so fuck it. And remember, pics or it didn’t happen.

PLAYLIST

"Survivor" by Destiny’s Child
If you secretly get scared on the bus but don’t want to tell anyone.

"Get Out (Leave)" by JoJo
For when it’s time to kick out the crazy girl on the bus. “Stop yelling, they can’t hear you!”

"Should I Stay or Should I Go" by the Clash
If you have a moment of reflection.

"Call Your Girlfriend" by Robyn
For the last call before you go to “war.”

"Yeah, I Said It" by Rihanna
For when the guards ask "why the fuck are you here?"

"Bulletproof" by La Roux
For when you charge the gates. (Sidenote, where is La Roux? I have a feeling she’s on the bus with you.)

"Turn Down for What" by DJ Snake and Lil Jon
This is honestly just a great pump-up song.

"Formation" by Beyoncé
I mean, the music video is literally a tutorial for battle.

"I’m So Tired..." by Lauv & Troye Sivan
When you’re in the midst of combat and realize you haven’t worked out in months.

"Bad Blood" by Taylor Swift
For when the aliens don’t want to leave with you after you traveled hundreds of miles to get here just for them and you start to get emotional (I literally told you this wasn’t a good idea).

"Suddenly" from Les Miserables
For that classic moment when the aliens look you in the eyes and say “Fine, I’ll go.”

"IloMilo" by Billie Eilish
I’m pretty sure that means “I love you” in alien.

"Get Ur Freak On" by Missy Elliott
When you realize you’re an actual pervert who wants to have sex with an alien. This escalated really fast.

“Humble” by Kendrick Lamar
When you have ALIENS in the back of your car and you just pretend to be modest.

“I Don’t Want It At All” by Kim Petras
When you call Area 51 to ask if they do refunds, “Only store credit???”

“Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X feat. Billy Ray Cyrus Because of course.