Photo via Amazon.

Fashion Horoscopes: The Signs as Teen Queens

Are you Blair Waldorf or Cher Horowitz?

by Courtney Perkins
Aug 15 2019, 3:39pm

Photo via Amazon.

Aries: Viola Hastings (She’s the Man)

  • IS good enough to play with the boys!!
  • Will steal your girl
  • Will flash you on a football field
  • Tough tomboy swag

Taurus: Kat Stratford (10 Things I Hate About You)

  • Self assured and self reliant
  • Doesn’t fake it with people she hates
  • Not afraid to call out patriarchal bullshit
  • Accepts gifts as apologies

Gemini: Olive Penderghast (Easy A)

  • Total superiority complex about her intelligence
  • Always replies in witticisms and quips, does great impressions, likes the attention
  • Sees no initial problem with lying when it doesn’t hurt anyone and only stops when people start treating her differently
  • Reveals her story via… web blogging (Mercury has entered the chat)

Cancer: Lara Jean Covey (To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before)

  • Holds onto love letters from her childhood, sheesh, a sentimentalist!
  • Re-reads romance novels
  • Ideal night would be at home watching movies with her sister
  • Likes thrifting her clothes! Cancers appreciate nostalgia and vintage things!

Leo: Regina George (Mean Girls)

  • A caveat: Aries moon, Scorpio rising
  • Egotistical, controlling, and authoritative
  • Impulsive and self-centered
  • Lives for the spotlight
  • A Little Bit Dramatic

Honorable mention: Jackie Burkhart from That 70’s Show, who would run across the beach into her own arms if she could

Virgo: Tracy Flick (Election)

  • Razor sharp overachiever
  • Well-meaning know-it-all that would run this place RIGHT if you idiots would let her
  • Puts her aggression into hard work (making Pick Flick buttons)
  • Bright, smart, and prepared

Libra: Cher Horowitz (Clueless)

  • Spoiled but she’s sweet and kindhearted so it’s okay
  • Loves helping others
  • Favorite activities include socializing, shopping, and hanging with her bestie
  • Cares deeply about her wardrobe, pop culture, AND other people!

Scorpio: Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl)

  • THE Queen B
  • If she doesn’t fuck with you, you’ll know it
  • Knows how to seethe, stew, and hold something over your head
  • Outwardly alpha, but internally sensitive (see: reluctance to be vulnerable about her feelings for Chuck; cruelty towards Serena in season one is mostly a result of the loss of trust since Serena 100% fucked her boyfriend)

Sagittarius: Juno MacGuff (Juno)

  • Speaks almost entirely in jokes, especially to hide when she’s scared or nervous
  • Rebellious and goofy (no idea who barfed in Bren’s urn)
  • Uncomfortable with moving a friendship to a relationship
  • Has never filtered her thoughts from her mouth once in her life

Capricorn: Veronica Lodge (Riverdale)

  • Expensive taste and an eye for quality
  • Intelligent, with good judgment, but a feisty, fiery moon (TBH I completely agree with this ananlysis of her chart by)
  • Mature and self-aware enough to change her ways after leaving New York
  • Once retaliated against someone threatening Archie by blackmailing his dad into paying her $1 million

Aquarius: Effy Stonem (Skins)

  • Secretive as fuck
  • You don’t get to know her unless she wants that, and even then, you may not be granted the right to understand her feelings (RIP Freddie)
  • Fears emotional vulnerability
  • The girl everyone was obsessed with on Tumblr in 2009

Pisces: Brooke Davis (One Tree Hill)

  • Loyal BFF to Peyton!
  • Beloved in high school = Pisceans are known for being kind and open to people!
  • Inner demons about her parents’ neglect, but overcompensates by seeking love, attention, and connection elsewhere
  • Becomes a fashion designer = the watery artistic eye!
teen queens