Fashion Horoscopes: The Signs as 'Big Little Lies' Characters

Aries: Renata

If you think Renata’s dominant energy is anything but Mars, I’m willing to fight! NO ONE confronts like an Aries, period! Renata has been outspoken, forthright, and fucking zesty since the first episode of this series (“Madeline!” “ Renata!”). Her roasts of Gordon are legendary. In Aries fashion, she’s a fighter with a quick fuse and fierce defensiveness of those that she loves. She also shares Aries’ ego and enthusiasm for a good party! It’s my house - I live here!

To the Capricorn naysayers, I hear you. A line like “I will not NOT be rich!” seems like it belongs to a money-savvy Capricorn! But consider this: Aries are conquerors! They love winning, and they never feel more excited or determined than when they’re chasing a goal. Renata was at the top of her game! Her goal was to be wealthy so she could pamper her daughter and give her a great life, and her dream was crushed. She’s carrying the fury of an Aries that feels like she’s failed her daughter, when she’s used to winning.

Taurus: Jane

Shailene Woodley said she made Jane’s chart and decided that she’s a Taurus with Sagittarius and Aquarius placements! Since the actress herself made the chart to help understand the character, I’m going to go with it! Taurus is a private sign with reservations about trusting people! Chill out Corey, I’ll see you when I see you! Taurus and Sagittarius are both signs that are very connected to nature and the outdoors, which makes sense with Jane’s beach runs and job at the Aquarium.

Gemini: Chloe

Alright Chloe is such a lil Gemini child. She can’t keep a secret for shit. She’s always on her phone. She’s friends with everyone, so sure, she’s down to hang with the new kid. She makes rude ass jokes to her mother (see: hinged door painting) like a Gemini with a taste for roasting. She knows how to make a playlist (Gemini creativity + love of technology). Honestly, when the parents found out that Chloe spilled the beans, I was like “Oh shit that was me!! A baby Gemini dumbass!!”

Cancer: Mary Louise

Mary Louise is like, a fermented Cancer. She’s not your sweet friend that’s always a shoulder to cry on. But she is the Cancer that’s screaming at the dinner table, letting out her pain and encouraging the rest of the party to do the same. It’s hard to compare such a kind sign to this wretched woman, so miss me with the abuse denial, but the commonalities are there. She’s suspicious and manipulative. She acts in the name of maternal instinct and adores her child to the extent that she’ll ignore any offense. That’s that unconditional Cancerian love. Snip snip Celeste, you’re getting hit with the pincers.

Leo: Madeline

The leader. The one everyone talks about. The center of attention. Lives for the drama. Says she doesn’t live for the drama. Can’t stand living without the drama (*cough* living with Ed’s boring ass *cough*). Friendly as fuck, and is obviously The Most Fun, or how else would she get away with her bossiness? Always needs a project (the play :/). Will always stand up for a friend, no matter how new. Clearly presides over the domain of this school district. She’s the Leo queen of Monterey!

Virgo: Ed, Bonnie

Ed is a helpful, dependable partner and solid husband, but lacks warmth and passion. He’s got the permanent Virgo grumpface and gravitates towards wry, sarcastic comments, especially when he can tell Madeline’s about to do some dumb shit (earth sign foresight!).

Bonnie is not the high strung Virgo of lore, but rather the health nut, Whole Foods diet, essential oil lover, yoga Virgo. Like Ed and pretty much every Virgo, she’s cordial but she’s not going to fake it with people she doesn’t like. When she’s struggling, she prefers to handle her problems on her own, icing out the people trying to help her and instead going on runs. A Virgo’s coping mechanisms are always beneficial distractions from the problems they’re avoiding. Of course running is good for you. Cleaning, working, and helping friends? All good for you. And those are exactly the kinds of things Virgos focus on when they want to avoid their most important, most personal messes.

Libra: Amabella

Amabella is fucking stressed. The world is ending. Warming. Bankrupting. She’s just trying to keep it all together, but the harshness and fighting is getting to her! Libras are peace-loving! They’re happiest with pleasantness, lovely things, a nice picnic, a sweet song! Amabella has been through so much through the duration of this show, and instead of lashing out, she seems to internalize this fear. Libras can be very conflict avoidant, especially in youth. Amabella is a gentle Libra and someone needs to hug her and tell her that Leonardo DiCaprio is working on fixing climate change!

Scorpio: Celeste

Sexy and mysterious. Deeply passionate, but cool on the surface. Extremely private, even with her closest friends. Lawyer past reveals a Scorpio’s sharp mind and keen analytical skills. Calm, great listener and devoted friend (that water sign empathy!), but experiences flashes of that Scorpio aggression when she’s feeling defensive (slapping Mary Louise, getting riled up at her lawyer). All of this said, I think Celeste simply must be a Libra or Taurus rising! She’s too fucking beautiful to not have some Venus in her!

Sagittarius: Nathan

Like a Sagittarius, Nathan will call you on your shit. He’s not going to play Ed’s little game of petty comments; he calls it like he sees it. When Madeline approaches him with fighting, he’ll fight back. When Ed speaks to him in a way that is technically sound with polite society but very obviously just a thinly veiled “Fuck you,” Nathan will just ACTUALLY say “Fuck you!” This is Sagittarius’ trademark bluntness and impatience for bullshit. Impatience all around, actually. Sagittarius seeks truth and understanding, and finds people who need to work things out on their own to be somewhat sneaky and dishonest. I’m telling you, both Madeline and Nathan are explosive fire signs married to earth signs that can’t handle this level of forthright confrontation!

Capricorn: Dr. Amanda Reisman (Therapist)

Remember her? What happened to her? Why’d they all stop going to therapy? They clearly need it! And why is there only one therapist in this town of millionaires? Isn’t it a conflict of interest to take Madeline as a client after already working with Celeste? I don’t know! I’m not a therapist! Anyways. Dr. Reisman is mature, direct, and severe - all Capricorn traits. Capricorns are excellent at giving advice. They’re good with directive actions about how someone can improve their life. When Dr. Reisman identified that Celeste was being abused, she didn’t just help her on the emotional front; she told her to get an apartment. Capricorns anticipate the material problems that match the emotional ones.

Aquarius: Abigail

This fuckin’ punk. Abigail is such a little shit. She’s probably a lot of fun with her hip friends that drive around with no seatbelts, but with her family, she’s the embodiment of an undeveloped teenage Aquarius. She’s rebellious. She wants to skip college to join Greenpeace, because FUCK your traditional route, I’m an iconoclast, Mom!!! She loves reciting Bonnie’s social policies back to Madeline, knowing it’s both an intellectual flex and a way to piss off her mother. Everything I’m describing could be re-evaluated in a more positive light if I wasn’t still mad about what a dick she’s been to her mom. She’s a smart young woman who cares about the world and happens to serve up blunt, true roasts. I mean, tell me that’s not an Aquarius!

Pisces: Ziggy

Ziggy is such a sweet, pure, gentle, and understanding child. Like a Pisces, he’s wise beyond his years. He’s understanding of Jane’s parenting and decision-making while we watch other children act out. He’s not old enough to have hit puberty, when Pisces’ moodiest years begin and the full depth of their emotional spectrum becomes apparent. For now, he mainly exhibits the exterior Pisces traits - shy first impressions, maturity, and kindness.

Also shouts to Bonnie’s mom’s visions.