You Can Buy Roger Stone Merch, Because Hell Is Real

Will a “Stone, One True God of Cannabis” beach towel crop up on Grailed?

by Emma Specter
|
Jan 25 2019, 5:54pm

Longtime Republican political strategist, Trump campaign associate and Nixon-back-tattoo-haver Roger Stone was indicted today by special counsel Robert Mueller on charges of coordinating with WikiLeaks “in regard to stolen emails aimed at damaging Hillary Clinton's campaign,” CNN reports.

Stone is the sixth Trump associate to be charged in the Mueller probe, and like his fellow chargee and jacket aficionado Paul Manafort, he’s not content to merely rest on his white-collar-crime laurels, instead seeing himself as something of a self-made style icon. Stone is the “men’s fashion correspondent” for the Daily Caller, weighing in on everything from blue jeans (“Some men shouldn’t”) to the seersucker suit (“A seersucker suit recalls the nobility and charm of the southern gentleman.”) Seersucker: for when you don’t feel like going to the trouble of telling everyone you’re racist!

As befits a man who makes his own annual international best-dressed list featuring luminaries from Melania Trump to “Dave” Beckham, Stone has his very own line of merch over at Stone Cold Truth (not to be confused with The Stone Zone, his other website.) One of the items up for grabs—and yours for the low, low cost of $10, marked down from $12—is a Roger Stone, of course.

<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Roger Stone's website is doing a sale on signed Roger "Stones" <a href="https://t.co/3OsVXfGF1A">pic.twitter.com/3OsVXfGF1A</a></p>— Will Sommer (@willsommer) <a href="https://twitter.com/willsommer/status/1088803759113883649?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">January 25, 2019</a></blockquote>

In addition to a pebble with Sharpie scrawled on it, Stone’s merch zone features the usual suspects—his many books are for sale, including, most tantalizingly, Stone’s Rules: How to Win at Politics, Business, and Style.

1548438623225-StoneRogerStone
Photo via Roger Stone's website.

Clothing-wise, there’s a plethora of T-shirts up for sale, from the achingly topical “LBJ Wanted” mugshot tee to a Shepard Fairey-style portrait of Bill Clinton superimposed above the word “RAPE.” (Subtle!) If you’re desperate to demonstrate your allegiance with the Mueller probe’s most stylish arrestee, you can buy yourself a “Stone Cold Truth” shirt, complete with an image of Stone himself decked out in Bond-style tux and bow tie.

1548438586597-stoned
Photo via Roger Stone's website.

Most intriguing of all is the nebulous “Get Stoned” product line, which features a toga-clad Stone clasping a joint and promising “your very own apparel, framed fine art/canvas print, bags or beach towels depicting Roger Stone as the ONE TRUE GOD of Cannabis!”

As compared to, say, Justin Bieber’s corny Hillsong apparel or Khloe Kardashian’s “Kanye for President” cap, this merch is surprisingly on the money in terms of apparent durability, as well as flexibility. Enterprising merch-heads could seize the opportunity of Stone’s indictment to commission “ONE TRUE GOD of Cannabis” beach towels and resell them on Grailed—and really, isn’t that the blend of personal style and ruthless capitalism that Stone has been preaching all along?