Fashion Horoscopes: The Signs as Iconic Dance Scenes

Are you 'Flashdance', or 'Napoleon Dynamite'?

by Courtney Perkins
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May 16 2019, 2:39pm

Aries: Do The Right Thing - Intro Credits

Honorable mention: 13 Going On 30 - Thriller

The best intro credits of all time? Yes. Rosie Perez dances her ass off in the incredible opening to Do The Right Thing. The vivacious energy is infectious and insanely fun to watch, and the message is very Aries: “Fight the power! We’ve gotta fight the powers that be!”

Taurus: Risky Business - Old Time Rock and Roll

Honorable mention: Magic Mike - Pony

Nothing says Taurus like “pajama party!” This Risky Business scene launched a million Halloween costumes, party themes, and dress-up days. It’s a pants-off dance-off with yourself! It’s a cozy dance scene! An expression of personal joy! Even the song choice is all about authenticity and resistance to change! A Taurus mood.

Gemini: Mean Girls - Jingle Bell Rock

Honorable mention: Saturday Night Fever - You Should Be Dancing

Hilarious zingers and insult comedy? Geminis thrive on this shit! Geminis live for provocation. They feed on entertainment, and that’s exactly what this is - high school teen drama playing out on stage. Also, the dance is characterized by a whirl of last minute changes - who’s standing where, the singing, Mrs. Norbury rushing to the piano - and Gemini rolls with the punches. Thankfully, the drama has all been documented by Regina’s mom to pore over later.

Cancer: West Side Story - Mambo

Honorable mention: Little Miss Sunshine - Super Freak

Cancer’s emo ass loves a Romeo and Juliet adaptation, and West Side Story is no exception. One of the best dance numbers in the movie is Mambo, the dance at the gym! Like a Cancer, it’s territorial, as it serves as the battleground for a Sharks vs. Jets dance off. But it’s also romantic, as it ends with Maria and Tony locking eyes and instantly falling hopelessly in love!

Leo: Ferris Bueller’s Day Off - Danke Schoen/Twist & Shout

Honorable mention: High School Musical - We’re All In This Together

Another honorable mention: Slumdog Millionaire - Jai Ho

Leo takes the stage, baby! Leos are known for their fun-loving personalities, and Ferris Bueller is joy embodied. When he sneaks into the parade to karaoke sing “Danke Shoën” and “Twist & Shout”, he is at his hammiest and most charismatic. The crowd, like everyone else in his town, adores him. Shiny Leos were put on this earth to entertain! We stan!!!

Virgo: Black Swan - Becoming the Black Swan / Final Dance

Honorable mention: The Breakfast Club - We Are Not Alone

“I was perfect…” breathes Natalie Portman, after flawlessly executing her starring role in Swan Lake, at the cheap cost of her sanity. Who else has an obsession with perfection again…? Virgo! Virgos are sticklers for precision - an attitude that finds its place in the strict world of ballet. Their prison of choice? Their mind! Their supremely high standards for their work can drive them to get too caught up in minor details. Portman

Libra: Dirty Dancing - Time of My Life

Honorable mention: Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion - Time After Time

The sensuality! The romance! The BIG MOVE! With this dance, Jennifer Grey basically says “Fuck you Dad, I’m pursuing my love life! And it’s going to be hot!” Libras throw caution to the wind when it comes to their love lives. As the sign of partnership, they live for the whirlwind romance! Libra wants a love where they get to do the big jump into the arms of someone hot that they trust!

Scorpio: Chicago - Cell Block Tango

Honorable mention: The Rocky Horror Picture Show - The Time Warp

Scorpios STAN a sexy woman hell-bent on revenge, and Cell Block Tango gives you SIX! Cell Block Tango is an AMAZING musical number in which the jailed Six Merry Murderesses describe the ways they killed their lovers. Scorpios are extremely passionate people, known for having intense feelings and being magnetically attractive. At worst, they can become vengeful, vindictive, and jaded. The moves are sexy, but the angry claims that “They had it coming!” are what make this the Scorpio dance scene.

Sagittarius: Singin’ in the Rain - Make Em Laugh

Honorable mention: Silver Linings Playbook - Dance competition

You might think that the titular song would be the best scene in “Singin’ in the Rain”, but don’t forget about “Make Em Laugh”! Trying to cheer up Gene Kelly’s character, Donald O’Connor takes the lead with lots of slapstick, jokes, and visual gags, continually stressing that all anyone wants to do is laugh. Sagittarians are known for their amazing senses of humor! Definitely the sign most likely to pretend to run into a wall just to raise your spirits.

Capricorn: Flashdance - Maniac

She’s toned. She’s ready. She’s bandaging her feet just to practice because Capricorns secretly equate pain to hard work. She’s a maniac and she’s dancing like she’s never danced before!! Flashdance follows Jennifer Beals (yes, from The L Word!!) as she tries to get into a prestigious dance school while working in both a steel mill and a bar. Um, do I sense a strong, hardworking, driven protagonist?! “Maniac” is a sexy, sweat-laden example of her passionate drive! Capricorn energy.

Aquarius: Napoleon Dynamite - Canned Heat

Honorable mention: Pulp Fiction - The Twist

The weird kid from school is getting up to do a solo dance for everyone and the reason is…. He wants you to get out and vote. I mean, that is the most Aquarius shit in the world. Completely unique and totally himself, Napoleon grooves to Canned Heat for a beautiful two minutes, and the crowd is in awe of him. Aquarius culture is using dance as a form of political campaigning (even on the high school level).

Pisces: Cabaret - Mein Herr

Honorable mention: Audrey Hepburn’s Beatnik dance from Funny Face

Mein Herr is the staple song of Cabaret! The movie earned Liza Minelli her Oscar for her role as Sally Bowles. The chair dance was choreographed by the legendary Bob Fosse. The creativity is already seeping out of this number, but the lyrics about Sally leaving her lover are what make this the Piscean dance scene! Pisces would rather swim away from a conflict and leave the whole thing behind than go through an upsetting argument.

“Farewell, mein Lieber Herr.

It was a fine affair,

But now it's over.

And though I used to care,

I need the open air.

You're better off without me,

Mein Herr.”