Say Yes to the Dress: Anime Edition
Seven anime brides for seven weeaboo brothers!
Photo via YouTube.
Anime girls are the best. We j’adore and stan them of course, but for some incorrigible fans exploring the liminal space between fantasy and reality, they’re also waifu (wives). Which is maybe not so surprising, since a dakimakura can indeed keep you warm in the middle of the night (one of Shania Twain’s sterling criteria for any good relationship), but where can we find the best fits for tying the knot in anime? Come for a stroll in the vaults of my memory.
In the sixteenth episode of the original Sailor Moon TV show, our best girl pines for the spoils of a handmade dress contest: a free wedding reception. Unfortunately, despite being the reincarnation of a princess from a kingdom on the moon, and possessing a magical tiara, Sailor Moon still can’t sew to save her life. We all have our weaknesses! Her transformation pen, a gift from Luna, a magic cat, turns out to be a nifty time-saver though, cladding Usagi Tsukino in a white, froufrou concoction of capped, puffed sleeves, pink frills, and a veil that crowns her head with a bow in a very 1980s-Madonna style. Though sadly discarded when she must change her look to exorcise a demon from another contestant, we can find Sailor Moon back in wedding attire when she finally gets hitched to Tuxedo Mask…on the very last page of the manga! Naoko Takeuchi, sly devil and fabulous artist that she is, teaches us the value of patience and buying every one of her volumes.
First serialized in 1994, when Sailor Moon’s own publishing schedule was in full swing, Wedding Peach was another adorable entry in the vast genre of magical girl anime and manga but with more overt bridal flourishes to the regular costuming of characters. In the story, a gal named Momoko Hanasaki receives a magical compact case from a hot angel man named Limone. LIMONE! Via her new compact, the ruler of the angel world informs Momoko that she is Wedding Peach, one of three legendary Love Angels who need to defeat a devil and save the human world. Which of course entails a very abbreviated look of bodysuit, tiny frilly skirt, armor-shoulder pads, and a single wedding garter. A matrimonial look that will take you from dinner rehearsal all the way to being electrocuted repeatedly, and then revived again by the power of love in time for a honeymoon. Chic!
Originally airing in 2007, Gurren Lagann follows a group of kids rebelling against the nefarious overlord who has forced them to live in underground villages. That bastard’s daughter, Nia, is extremely cute though, and joins the rebels. In the latter part of the series, Nia marries the main character, Simon, in a floor-grazing white halter dress with elbow-length gloves and red roses in her hair, the latter a great compliment to her pink cross-shaped pupils. In short order though (spoiler alert) her wedding scene also becomes her death scene, as she dissolves under a flurry of cherry blossoms falling over a quaint gazebo. Flowers, old time-y recreation architecture, and a handsome man in a white tux all seem like superb accouterments to one’s final hours.
Hinata Hyuga is a little ninja with lavender-tinged eyes who we follow through the original Naruto series to her maturation and marriage to the main character in Naruto Shippuden. For her nuptials she wore a more traditional Japanese wedding kimono and an enormous white flower in her hair. The color palette of this dress, white with red accents, is particularly lovely given that red is a traditional color for wedding garb in countries like India and China, making the combination feel unifying and timeless.
Perhaps part of the magic of anime characters to us mortals is that no matter how much you watch them, or how many pieces of character merchandise one buys, they’ll always be an unattainable ideal, like pictures of the floating world. A real life marriage between equals is also an ideal, perhaps just a dream we try to wedge into the old shoe of reality. Then again, why let facts get in the way of a good story, or, for that matter, keep you from marrying that anime dreamboat? At least one man has been so bold, after all. In the near future, maybe putting a ring on that fictional waifu won’t seem so outré; we’ve also got to put a cap on the growth of humanity somehow, what with climate change and all. Love is love!