Illustration by Pasta Zaddy Ben Park.

Are T-Shirts a Carb?

A new T-shirt celebrates the simple pleasures of complex carbohydrates.

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Jul 25 2018, 4:43pm

Illustration by Pasta Zaddy Ben Park.

Carbohydrates have become my enemy. In a past life, I would devour a delicious basket of bread before a meal, gobble down a warm croissant in the morning, eat a plate full of cacio e pepe for dinner; for a snack, I would have an entire sleeve of perfectly plain Ritz crackers! I loved those scalloped edges, but I was a monster.

Nowadays, I avoid all of these beautiful things because, when consumed often, they make you fat. To quote Kate Moss, my North Star, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.”

My dear friend Jason Stewart, who is famous on the internet as Them Jeans, is a man of many talents. He is a renowned DJ, podcaster, and a bonafide food world influencer. Last week, I noticed he was working double time with a packed schedule of events for WestwoodWestwood (which is like OzyFest for people who have actually had sex). He was shamelessly plugging the first party on social media, titled, “An Italian Affair.” The name alone triggered dreams of freshly baked focaccia and a perfectly blistered margarita pie. The inaugural event featured a DJ set from Them Jeans himself and the only Australian hunk I like, Yimmy Yayo. More importantly, it featured vittles from one of LA’s best Italian restaurants Jon & Vinny’s. My mouth was watering! I fantasized about eating pasta in a sexy way, like an Instagram Thot, but luckily, the event provided something better: a limited edition T-shirt designed by those always timely goofballs known as Pizzaslime. The shirt is plain white with just a plate of pasta on the front—the opposite of complex carbohydrates. I DM’d my guys immediately to secure one. Carbs may not look good inside your body, but they look amazing on top of it.

This is the saucy front.
This is the saucy back.