Fashion Horoscopes: The Signs as Teen Dramas
The eternal question: are you ‘Gossip Girl’ or ‘The O.C.’?
Aries: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Teens who are down to fight! Where my Aries at?! Buffy fans want to fight you all the time, always. Buffy herself is a kick-ass teen that slays monsters of all sorts. The feisty Mars energy that fills every Aries’ heart is abundant here. Aries shares Buffy’s heroism, confidence, natural leadership, and slightly aggro nature.
Taurus: Friday Night Lights
This show feels like home. Taurus, you love home. This is a sincere world of real people, genuine emotions, and good ol’ Texas football. Taurus, you are as comforting as a heart-to-heart with Connie Britton. As loyal and committed as the bond that holds this team together. As reliable as the repeated mantra, “Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose.”
Gemini: Gossip Girl
I’m sorry, which sign is known for gossiping?! The entire setup of Gossip Girl reeks of Gemini: alerts on your phone for when someone in your grade has done something scandalous. You KNOW every Gemini you know would be signed the fuck up even if they didn’t care! Maybe it’s the Leos, the Scorpios, or the Libras creating the drama, but it’s the Geminis eating that shit up.
Cancer: The O.C.
Beachside crying. Feeling misunderstood by your family, community, friends. Romantic lines like, “You’re my destiny, Cohen.” A moody, iconic theme song dedicated to where you grew up. The O.C. is a Cancer. Cancer is an emotional water sign that can suffer turbulent mood swings. The O.C. is not afraid to swing your mood. It goes from partying, bonfires, and debutantes to overdosing in Tijuana, class differences, and rehab. You feel the full range of emotion watching The O.C., just like a Cancer would want you to.
Look, I know you’re already mad you didn’t get Gossip Girl, but move on. You’re Gossip Girl rising.
I’m sorry, but Leo is the original musical theater kid. Dramatic, loves a fight for the part, lives for a slow-tear solo. Leo has friends in high places, and have you SEEN the celebrity guest stars on Glee? I’m talking Idina Menzel, I’m talking Sarah Jessica Parker, I’m talking Kristin Chenoweth, I’m talking Jonathan Groff. And Jonathan Groff is far from the most famous Glee guest star but I’m including him because I know Leos are musical theater kids and they will care! Glee does everything BIG. It is extra as hell, with sex, death, and a lot of Lea Michele just doing the absolute most. Glee is a Leo!!!
Virgo: Veronica Mars
Teen detective with a sharp eye and a sharp tongue? I see you, analytical Virgo! Virgos are great at spotting the details others miss! They’re also the sign most likely to take on a completely consuming full-time job as a high schooler! Virgos are also known for their supreme organization skills; after this show was cancelled, Kristen Bell and the showrunner created a Kickstarter to finish the story with a movie, and fans raised the money in under eleven hours! A motivated fan base to match? Virgo energy.
Libra: Pretty Little Liars
Pretty little liars, huh? Beautiful but fake? Mhmm, what I’m hearing is Libra! Libras are skilled diplomats. Their desire for peace and harmony sometimes leads them to become people pleasers concerned with not rocking the boat. They can be evasive in conflict, and much of PLL is about uprooting hidden information and exposing uncomfortable truths. Kind of a Libra nightmare. Yet, as viewers, Libras will love Pretty Little Liars! As a curious air sign, Libra has an active mind and a need to be entertained. They’ll love dissecting the mystery behind PLL, and the romance and drama
Murder. Scheming. Sex. Not afraid to GO there. Doesn’t shy from dark subject matter, class differences, or fresh, new romantic plot lines (bringing a gay couple AND a throuple to your screen?? Sold!). Elite revolves around the aftermath of a murder at Spain’s most prestigious high school, and it truly brings the drama! Scorpio is the sign most closely associated with sex, death, and transformations. Scorpios are private and guard their secrets well. Elite is a Scorpio.
Sagittarians are LOUD and so is Skins! Thematically, visually, and musically (there are a lot of rave scenes). Sagittarians love to travel; Skins is set in the U.K. and they randomly go on holiday in Morocco and have camping trips. Teen jet setters, if you will. Skins wants you to know it’s edgy the way a Sagittarius thinks it’s cool that they just said the DARING thing of brutally exposing the honest truth about how teenagers ACTUALLY live today. It says, “By the way Mom, I do drugs and yes, it’s cool!”
Capricorn: Gilmore Girls
Every Capricorn has been an adult since they were a teenager, so it makes sense that their teen drama of choice is actually a show about a mother-daughter relationship with a side of teen drama. A lot of it is about school and questioning how to raise a child. Rory’s grandparents are major characters, but every Capricorn who has seen the show will desperately tell you that Emily and Richard are an absolute delight to watch. It’s a more mature teen drama because it doesn’t rely on gimmicks or melodrama; it tells rich stories of growing up and exploring love and what it means to be a family! It’s a cozy show that feels like a warm beverage. Perfect Capricorn relaxation.
Aquarius, you HAVE to be the show that is changing the way the world consumes media!! Skam is a Norwegian TV show that is revolutionizing the way TV episodes are released. The show is meant to be realistic, and Aquarius is a sign that lives for authenticity! Each character even has a real Instagram account, so it’s easy to get lost in their world. Aquarius, you were going to be up all night throwing yourself into learning about some random shit that struck your fancy anyways, so you may as well research every Instagram caption the supporting characters of season 2 of Skam have ever posted.
Dreamy aesthetics! Fog! Mist! Dark tints on happy scenery! The good girl falling for the boy from the south side that gets off on being an outsider! Pisces is an otherworldly sign with a powerful imagination. They’ll appreciate the show’s unified color palette and moody vibe. Some might laugh at Jughead’s trademark brooding monologues, such as the classic “In case you haven’t noticed, I'm weird. I’m a weirdo. I don't fit in. And I don't want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That's weird." But not Pisces. Pisces nods and says, “Mood.”