Everything I Would Pour Into This Virgil Abloh x Evian Water Bottle
From Kanye’s tears to a green smoothie handmade by Gwyneth Paltrow, this bottle is reserved for the most precious of liquid cargo.
Photo via Instagram.
Virgil Abloh unveiled his latest collaboration at New York Fashion Week, and the latest beneficiary of his keen eye is none other than Evian, the preferred bottled-water brand of the hot, mean Lycée Français kids smoking and laughing at you in rapid French outside of the 72nd Street subway station.
The Evian collaboration is unsurprising, since Abloh has served as the brand’s Creative Director for Sustainable Design since December, but the limited-edition, 17-ounce glass bottle also invokes the name of SOMA—a San Francisco-based company that designs “eco-friendly water filtration systems”—for extra green points.
Gone are the days of the YSL cigarette, it appears; the coolest thing a designer like Abloh can do these days is collab on a bamboo-lid reusable water bottle. In honor of the Abloh x Evian x SOMA creation, here’s a comprehensive list of everything I want to pour into the bottle.
17 ounces of liquid gold. Only if the gold is mined in an eco-friendly manner, of course.
A potent blend of inferior bottled water brands. We’re talking Poland Spring, Dasani, and Aquafina, all swirled together in a top-of-the-line food processor.
Four servings of smushed IKEA meatballs. To celebrate Abloh’s previous IKEA collaboration, as well as the meatballs he’d serve at his dream dinner party (along with spicy fusilli and Little Gem lettuce.)
A melted Off-White vinyl sandal. Now it’s art.
A cloud of Kendall Jenner’s Juul smoke. Sure, it’ll evaporate, but we’ll all know it was there for the briefest of moments.
A vial of Kanye West’s tears. Ideally ones he shed while taking in the majesty of James Turrell’s Roden Crater.
A green smoothie prepared for me personally by Gwyneth Paltrow herself. If GP is unavail, any of the shop assistants at the Amagansett GOOP store can sub in.
My own cremains. I will give my life for sustainable design!!!!!!! (Note: this is Plan B for my cremains, if—and only if—my successors are unable to turn me into a diamond like Kris Jenner talked about doing that one time.)