Fashion Horoscopes: The Signs as Aliens

ARIES: Invader Zim

• Overconfident
• Regularly professes his own greatness
• Definitely a megalomaniac
• Very much in control of his own destiny
• Doesn’t really think things through
• But so much fun!
• But also maybe you’re the alien from Alien

TAURUS: Chewbacca - Star Wars

• Gentle giant
• Mostly here for his main friend, but the rest of y’all are cool I guess…
• Loyal to the mAxXx
• Values his freedom! You canNOT tell a Taurus what to do!
• Honestly his fur looks cuddly as fuck

GEMINI: Mork - Mork & Mindy

• Jokes 24/7
• Excellent at imitating others’ voices
• Almost never serious
• Filled with childlike curiosity
• A goof sent to earth to learn about our culture?? Goofing and learning are Gemini’s two favorite things!

CANCER: E.T.

• Just wants to go home
• Easily befriends children
• Sweet, friendly, and understanding
• Cute when nervous
• I always forget that Drew Barrymore is in this movie. She’s been a star so long. Wow
• Can get you a little closer to the moon

LEO: Superman

• • Honorable, heroic, noble, yada yada
• The damn STAR of the show
• When he enters, it’s a MOMENT
• Noble standards of morality! Doesn’t use these powers for evil!
• Superman lives as Clark Kent most of the time, so when you think about it, he’s actually very gracious and humble about all of his capabilities! Leos are known for being just, fair leaders and doing the right thing!
• Coiffed! Hair!

VIRGO: Spock - Star Trek

• Ruled by logic and objective truth above all
• Intelligent and cool-headed
• Sometimes too cold for his coworkers’ passionate outbursts (queue Virgo eye roll)
• Great at assistant Captain Kirk with prioritizing what’s actually important, rather than following an impulse = pay attention to my to-do list, bitch
• Loves chess…. Virgo ass nerd

LIBRA: Paul

• Paul’s here for a good time, not a long time!
• He’s a likable little dude!
• Paul sounds like a California bro the whole time (Seth Rogen). With this surprisingly familiarity, he gains two alien enthusiasts’ trust, and they take care of him! Libras know exactly how to communicate with their audience and speak someone’s language
• It’s a comedy! Libra just wants to laugh!

SCORPIO: Alf

• Lil smartass!
• Absolutely TEEMING with sarcastic commentary
• Roasts the fuck out of his human family members
• Not above scheming to get what he wants
• Will eat your cat

SAGITTARIUS: Roger - American Dad

• Hilarious, cynical, and totally fuckin shameless
• Full of DRAMA and PRANKS and COSTUMES
• Does whatever he wants
• Not even a blush of a filter
• Loves fart jokes

CAPRICORN: Abbott and Costello - Arrival

• Cool names
• Here to teach you
• Aquarians always know more than you, never forget that
• Focused on language, progress, and the future of civilization = Capricorns are nothing if not prepared!
• Honestly really chill aliens. Showed up, hung out, had some conversations, and didn’t try to hurt anyone!

AQUARIUS: Yoda - Star Wars

• Giggly lil wise ass
• And I mean wise ass
• Universal outlook! Strives to see things from multiple perspectives and has a strong moral compass
• Needs lots of alone time to meditate
• Extremely in touch with the mind
• All about that mystical shit baby

PISCES: Groot - Guardians of the Galaxy

• Molds to whatever you need because a Pisces knows how to SUPPORT YOU
• Limited vocabulary, but unlimited ways to express love through tone, pronunciation, and body language! Pisces gives you a love that you can FEEL, it has no words!
• The intense psychic connection and understanding between Groot and Rocket is the kind of mental meld every Pisces is looking for! To be understood without having to articulate yourself perfectly every time!
• Self-sacrificing
• Great dancer!